my sun
by aeyta
Summary: remus lupin thinks about who he loves. lupin on lily and lily/james in the background. not all the way angst, just somewhat.


**my sun** written by aeyta  
note: this is a one-sided remus lupin on lily evans, it is ALSO i guess lily/james. ^^;;   
  
  
  
x **debut** x   
  
Humans, people, animals, any living creature; all of them, they can't live without the sun. The sun is the source of everything and everyone. It is bright, and makes them happy, although a few people can't stand the sun, in a way they will always love it if they love life, since it gives life itself.   
  
Without the sun, there is no life.   
  
It's just not possible.   
  
For the longest time, I thought that Lily Evans was my sun.   
  
I thought I could not live without her.   
  
Without her beautiful long dark, luscious crimson hair cascading down her pale shoulders to her small waist.   
  
Without her captivating, translucent ivy eyes that always looked to another person with friendliness whether or not she liked them.   
  
Without her light, airy voice that was not sweet, but not sugary. The way she enunciated and said her words.   
  
Without her tall, graceful figure taking small strides while walking down the halls, being polite to any teacher she encountered.   
  
Without her running into the woods as James would chase her, after she would mischievously "accidentally" throw a snowball at him.   
  
Without her concentrating, little drops of sweat forming on her forehead as she tried to make a spell work, but mutter curses under her breath if she fails or have a look of delight if she succeeds.   
  
Without her friendly smiles that she gave so often, to anybody at anytime.   
  
Without her confidence that illuminated the classroom when we would work on a spell.   
  
Without her, I thought that I could not live.   
  
I became friends with Lily, she was always so kind and polite and considerate towards other. She has a mischievous personality, as well as some pinches of curiosity.   
  
My best friends became James Potter --   
  
James Potter was a nice fellow who would always manage to get in trouble, although we, Sirius and I, did er... help him get in trouble at times. Never mind that, we were very good friends and he even became an animagus for me, since I was his friend. James Potter was a very honorable man I am proud to say that I have known him.   
  
Sirius Black --   
  
Sirius Black was a darker type than James but he was always making jokes, and though at times he could be very serious, he was also very fun loving. Sirius liked a girl by the name of ... well I don't remember her name at the moment. She was his type, always rivaling with him and he would always thrive to beat her. Sirius was another one of my closest friends.   
  
Peter Pettigrew --   
  
Peter Pettigrew was a meek person who at first followed us three around, but in the end he proved himself to be quite enjoyable. After the whole Voldemort issue, I decided he was a fake.   
  
and of course, Lily Evans. --   
  
Lily Evans is like a spell. A spell that is cast on you right when you see her, at least for me. And this spell had taken over me like a virus. Lily Evans enchanted me with herself, she was everything.   
  
Lily Evans was my sun.   
  
Or so I thought.   
  
My best friend James talked to Sirius and I, every single day how he was head over heals over Lily Evans. He loved her, his love was sincere and pure, it grew each day, starting out as a little crush.   
  
They were the perfect couple.   
  
I didn't say anything about my feelings, and so he asked out Lily. And she, who at first was very surprised, smiled and told him "You have always been one of the best of friends, but never have I not thought of having a relationship with you. Never have I not thought that you would ask me this very question, never have I not thought. Though I never knew it would actually come true."   
  
The way she said that was so noble, the way she spoke boldly had made me like her even more. Her green eyes were full of happiness and her voice was so warm, cheeks were tinted light pink, growing darker at her own words.   
  
Though no one knew of my secret feelings for Lily, Sirius had sawn me and knew after that. He looked at me and I looked back at him, his own girlfriend stopping an argument they were having to cheer Lily on. He knew right away and never said anthing about it. Ever.   
  
He knew that I knew and I knew that he knew.   
  
Lily Evans and James Potter were indeed a perfect couple, over time their relationship had grown from close friends to two very happy people getting ready to announce their marriage.   
  
Their marriage.   
  
And finally, the night of their wedding, Sirius walked up to me and told me to tell her.   
  
I was in disbelief at his words, but he insisted that I tell her just so that she would know, not to do anything.   
  
I told him that I didn't want to ruin their night or their happiness but Sirius said that they would know my wishes and I would regret it later on.   
  
I thought I would tell her but I never did.   
  
They had a child, it was a little baby boy who was perfect, just like them.   
  
Harry Potter, he was a combination of two of my best friends.   
  
Life was going along well, and I was fairing well. Although my love for Lily was one-sided, I was still fairing well.   
  
Until Voldemort killed them, and Sirius Black was accused of it and he was put to Azkaban, and then Peter Pettigrew died.   
  
My life shattered then.   
  
My sun, and my three best friends were taken away from me.   
  
I thought that I would die. I sunk into a great depression after that, I wouldn't eat, come out of my house, or do anything.   
  
Until one day I finally decided to walk out after thinking things through and I saw something that changed my life forever.   
  
It was a sunset.   
  
The sun was creeping away slowly, the sky was a brilliant blue colour and hues of pink, yellow, and purple slowly ate into the sky.   
  
It was beautiful.   
  
It was also then that I realized that Lily Potter, Lily Evans, Lily herself, was not my sun.   
  
Lily was a girl I loved. Not my sun.   
  
I decided I could start all over. So I did.   
  
And here I am now.   
  
Much happier than I once was before, whenever I see Harry Potter I see two people, Lily and James. Sirius is my friend once more, and Peter Pettigrew I do not miss at all or miss ever for he is not worthy of being my friend.   
  
Life is imperfect. I still love Lily and I still dream of her, but I am not sad.   
  
She is not my sun, she never will be. And she never was.   
  
Although life right now isn't doing well, I myself feel luckier than many other people.   
  
Especially when the sun sets.   
  
x **fin** x   
  
  
x **authorsnote** x okay, i know, its bad. >_< whatever, i might write a maurader fic once finish at least ONE of my series fic. ^_~ reviews, comments, flames, all appreciated. ^_~   
  



End file.
